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just for kicks, i'm a bamf

pocket monster champion, johto region

October 1st, 2010

blaaaahhh blah bleargh blehhhh; @ 10:08 pm

So.... I did it.  And that's that I guess.

But I still don't really feel as ~liberated~ as I expected to, y'know? Like... there's still something weird going on with my emotions. I can't really say I get it.  I thought maybe everything in my mind (my heart? whateverrrr, stupid cheesy shit) would calm down and everything would feel normal, and.... I guess it does, but it's almost too normal, y'know? Like nothing has changed at all.

Except... it has.

And I guess I should feel sad, like I WANT to feel sad, because it's practically like I was rejected, right? But then.... I don't feel sad.  It's something else.  But it bites.  it's like, because I didn't do it in person, because I did it in such a stupid shitty digital way, I don't actually have any sort of closure or anything.  What sucks is that it wasn't even a normal e-mail or something, it was on that weird meme thing, so she didn't actually have to give a response.  She just did it in those heart things. And.... I guess that's fitting, since that's how I did it too.

But it just makes me feel like there's still so many things I want to ask.

.....like, the lavender heart, what the hell?! Was that serious? Is she saying she only thinks about that kinda stuff with me? I mean, I know I'm hot shit and all, but after I specifically made sure to tell her I don't think of her as just a sex buddy..... I didn't think I'd get a response so much like what I said I wasn't. Maybe at that time, when I hugged her and said that, maybe she was laughing at me on the inside, or feeling extremely awkward, because.... that's how it's been for her all along?

Which is all stupid cuz at first I read that big survey of hers and I'm all like FUCK YEAHHH, DID YOU SEE THAT, LOOK WHAT COLOR EYES SHE LIKES BEST, AND HAIR COLOR AND SHIT, and then even the personality thing was like CHECK-CHECK-AND-CHECK..... so I guess I kinda got my hopes up.  Which was stupid to begin with.  Because I mean obviously, I KNEW it wouldn't go anywhere, and part of me probably even wanted it NOT to go anywhere..... but..... I got caught up.  Caught up in it all.  Derp, she's married, whaddya think you're doing, is what I should have been thinking... but... I guess her kind of whatever-happens-happens attitude got the best out of me, and I thought maybe I could be enjoyed in the same way that she enjoyed some of the other people in her life.

I mean, not like her husband, y'know? That's impossible, of course. I would never ask to be that.  What I was more thinking was more like.... I dunno, like what she has with that Yankee guy.  It's like there's something going on besides just sex, and it's something very subtle but very good.... and, well, I hoped maybe I could achieve something like that.  I thought maybe, perhaps, we could have been something, not the kind of thing she is with her husbands, but... something unconventional, something different from the standard shit that you typically hear about.  She IS that kind of person, y'know, the kind who has 2 husbands and some other boyfriends and is doing weird shit.

It's kind of lame of me, but I guess I wanted to be a part of the weird shit.  But not just the weird sex shit, I mean like, the weird...romance shit.

Which is funny cuz I've never cared about any of this stuff at all in the past. But still.  I just want to talk to her.  I think I'm just afraid that now she'll stop spending time with me completely.

Meh, I'm young and stupid. 

September 12th, 2010

lavish me with praise or diaf @ 12:10 am

Time for a survey, 'cause I'm bored, and nobody likes me when I'm bored, not even me. Here goes.

a long surveyCollapse )


September 5th, 2010

some loser with funny pinkish-purple hair, haha @ 07:02 pm

So I pretty much literally bumped into this guy today, this guy named Fumo, and I dunno what was up with him but he was kinda weird.  Anyways, his weirdness was quickly unconcerning to me, as he complimented my hair, which, as anyone who knows me should know, automatically makes him a boss.

I don`t really get why he told me this--like I said he`s weird--but he says he has the power to wipe out entire populations with very little effort.

But, he`s in hiding. So if you want to meet him, you have to go to the roof of the HQ building at 0:00, and don`t bring weapons or he won`t talk to you.  Sounds kinda suspicious to me, but maybe he`s an honest guy.

I`m so helpful, aren`t I? Going out of my way to meet all these important people. Do I get something cool or what?

August 22nd, 2010

dj mary take me now; @ 08:03 pm



I think I might die.


On a side note, whaddya think of me without my hat, huh? Am I pretty freakin' sweet or what? Check me out. Check out my hair. I don't even need gel for that shit. Wanna touch it? Yeah, I bet you do. I bet she did too, in that picture.



August 20th, 2010

and stuff. @ 04:12 pm

Feelin' kinda shitty these past few days.

Yesterday it was because of my first hangover (which was much like being run over by some kind of tractor and then immediately trampled by a herd of mating Tauroses and Miltanks), but that's not really what it is today.  Today is, more or less, some kind of gross feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Not the kind that makes me want to vomit, just the kind that makes me want to.... breathe strangely.

I don't really know what's going on with me these days, but I get pissed off easily, and it shows.  Also some kind of weird...fickleness, where some things will make me angry one day, and then they won't even matter anymore when I find something new to be pissed off about.  I don't know what to call this.  Maybe it's normal for some people...it doesn't feel normal for me, though.  I think even my Pokemon know something's up.  I'm not typically someone who dislikes others, after all.  Especially people who I feel like I could really click with, if not for..... well..... whatever.

I'm just being a retard, I guess. 

Or maybe I'm turning into a werewolf. That'd be pretty fucking epic.

Nah, probably just a retard.

just for kicks, i'm a bamf

pocket monster champion, johto region